


Unfair World

by cestlavieminako



Category: Kamen Rider Saber
Genre: Kento dealing with past trauma, Kento loves Touma and just wants to be with him, M/M, Or trying to, Past Incest, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, but there's a lot that reminds him of bad stuff, lots of uncomfy baggage to unpack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:20:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cestlavieminako/pseuds/cestlavieminako
Summary: All Touma could do, was be there for Kento.
Relationships: Fukamiya Kento/Kamiyama Touma
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14





	Unfair World

**Author's Note:**

> **MAKE SURE TO READ THE TAGS!** Nothing bad actually happens in the fic, but there's quite a bit of Kento dealing with bad memories of trauma and abuse, so bear that in mind!
> 
> This fic has been sitting around, unfinished, since episode 5 of Saber aired, and I got the desire to open it up after nearly a month and get it completed. Hopefully it's not super obvious where I left off, erased a bunch, and then started writing again.

“When I took this in hand, I swore an oath…that I would save anyone in need. So if you ever need a hand, make sure you tell me.”

Kento sighed softly. Touma would truly never change, would he? He always wanted everyone to be happy, and he had an uncanny ability to know when something was wrong.

Or, Kento mused, perhaps he wasn’t hiding his pain as well as he thought he was. He was glad that Touma hadn’t overheard him speaking to Calibur during the fight earlier. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide it forever, that Touma would eventually find out that their enemy was Kento’s own father…and Kento couldn’t stand to even entertain the thought that Touma might look at him in distrust.

Especially not now. Not when Touma was smiling at him, after having offered that promise of help.

He lowered his gaze, wanting so desperately to confide in Touma, to be able to _finally_ tell someone everything, but the thought of losing the one person that was precious to him made him hold his tongue.

Instead, he managed a quick nod, then lifted his head, ready to change the subject to something—anything—else, and found Touma standing before him, having crossed the room while he’d been lost in his thoughts.

Touma reached out, brushing the backs of his fingers against Kento’s cheek, and it was all Kento could do to keep from leaning into the touch. He couldn’t help but allow his eyes to close briefly, savoring that hesitant touch on his skin, something he hadn’t known that he needed so desperately. “Touma…”

Lips brushed against his own in such a light, fleeting manner, that Kento had to open his eyes to make certain that he hadn’t imagined it. 

But no, there was Touma, drawing back, a light flush standing out on his cheeks, even in the dim light of the shop, as he took in Kento’s startled expression. “Sorry…I probably shouldn’t have done that, huh?”

Kento shook his head. “It’s ok…you could do it again,” he offered, his voice so hesitant, even as he reached out, his fingers closing around Touma’s sleeve. “Touma…”

He hoped he didn’t sound too desperate, that he wouldn’t frighten Touma away, but he couldn’t disguise how much he wanted this. _Needed_ this. 

Touma’s lips found his once again, settling on them hesitantly, and Kento couldn’t stop the soft sound that echoed in his throat, a mix between a sigh of pleasure and a sob of relief. His fingers still clung to Touma’s sleeve, twitching slightly as he warred with his emotions, wanting to tug him closer, but at the same time not daring to. 

Touma took a step closer, his lips pressing more firmly to Kento’s as he did so, a hand moving up to cup Kento’s cheek as he continued to slowly kiss him, as if he were afraid that any attempt to deepen the kiss would shatter the moment like it were a fragile dream.

Given that Kento felt the exact same way, he understood Touma’s hesitance. 

Touma’s hand moved from Kento’s cheek, fingers trailing through his hair and pushing it back…

Kento jerked away, turning his head away from Touma, even as he lifted a shaky hand up to the spot that Touma had just touched, his heart hammering against his ribcage. That had been too much like…

“Kento?”

Kento forced a smile to his lips. “Sorry…that tickled,” he said, the excuse sounding lame even to his own ears, not to mention the way his voice was shaking.

“Then I won’t do it again. I mean…if you want me to do anything else,” Touma murmured.

Kento’s wide eyes met Touma’s, and for just a moment, he felt as though he were going to break, that he would allow all of his wounds and trauma to pour out.

Touma wouldn’t judge him. 

But… 

He couldn’t. Maybe one day, but…not yet. 

Just this once…didn’t he deserve to be treated like someone special? Like he _mattered_?

Perhaps it was a bit bold of him, but Kento took Touma’s hand, drawing him closer. He slid off the chair he’d been sitting on all that time, lifting his shaking hand to cup Touma’s cheek carefully, and he leaned closer to press their foreheads together.

They both took solace in each other’s closeness, in the dim silence of the bookshop, feeling for a moment as if they were the only two people in the world. Their fingers twined together, and Kento slowly drew them toward his chest, resting them over his heart.

“Touma…I want to be yours,” Kento whispered, his words sounding so loud in the otherwise silent room. He pressed his lips together, scarcely daring to breathe as he waited for Touma’s answer. 

If Touma claimed him, surely that would weaken _his_ hold over him, wouldn’t it? 

The silence was nearly deafening, and Kento drew back, suddenly fearing that he’d misread the situation. Had he been wrong? Was Touma not interested in him like that? It took every ounce of courage Kento possessed, to lift his eyes and meet Touma’s, and it was a relief to see that same flush on his cheeks as before.

“Kento…you’re sure?” Touma finally said.

Kento nodded, his fingers tightening around Touma’s hand. “Please, Touma.”

It felt like a whirlwind after that. Kento was dimly aware of Touma nodding, still looking flustered, watching him make certain that the shop was locked up, before he led Kento up to the small apartment over the shop, crammed full of books and a few pieces of secondhand furniture. The “bedroom” laid behind a folding screen, and that was where Touma led Kento, coming to a stop a few steps from the bed.

Kento reached up, plucking the hat from Touma’s head and placing it on the stack of books on the crowded bedside table, before taking a step closer, his eyes wide and pleading for Touma to kiss him, touch him, to give him some semblance of peace, if only for a little while. 

Touma’s hands went to Kento’s hips, resting lightly on them before their lips met once again.

Kento could feel his entire body trembling with need, his arms slipping around Touma’s waist, feeling a need to anchor himself in the moment. This…he’d wanted this for so long. Wanted _Touma_. 

Touma slowly drew Kento closer, as if giving him the option to stop things if need be, but Kento simply allowed him to continue, until their bodies were pressed together. Touma’s hands slid around to his back, and a soft whine echoed in Kento’s throat.

This was wonderful, but his coat was in the way. 

Regretfully, Kento let go of Touma, his hands moving to the front of his coat, and he made a soft sound of surprise when Touma’s hands brushed against his, helping him work the garment off until it slid heavily to the floor.

It was much more noticeable, now, when Touma’s hands slid over his hips, to his back, drawing him closer once again. Touma’s tongue ran along Kento’s lips in a rather hesitant manner, as if asking permission to deepen the kiss, and Kento didn’t think twice before parting his lips, feeling dizzy with anticipation. His hands moved to fumble with the saddlebags that Touma wore like a vest, Touma shifting slightly to accommodate him as they slid down his arms, falling to the floor with a slightly louder thump than Kento’s coat.

Then Touma’s tongue was slipping into his mouth, gently stroking at his own tongue, and Kento moaned softly, his arms going around Touma’s back once again, tugging their bodies flush against one another. He could feel Touma’s hardening shaft pressing against his thigh, and his body began to respond in kind.

Kento found himself settling heavily on the mattress, not breaking the kiss as he shifted back to allow Touma to crawl onto it with him. When he was guided onto his back, he felt the first small twinges of panic, but he pushed them away. This was Touma. Touma wouldn’t hurt him, wouldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to. Touma was safe.

Touma’s lips moved to Kento’s neck, pressing soft kisses to it, feeling him tilt his head back a bit. He pressed his lips to the hollow in his throat, hearing a soft exhalation of breath come from Kento’s lips. He continued upward, keeping his touches feather-light, not wanting to overwhelm Kento with too much. He was so tempting, though; Touma wanted to kiss every inch of his body.

But they were both still too dressed for that.

Touma’s hands went to Kento’s waist, working on loosening Kento’s robe so he could open it a bit further, exposing more skin for him to lavish affection upon. As he struggled with the belt, Touma’s lips moved up to Kento’s ear, his tongue darting across the lobe before he continued upward, nipping very gently at the skin.

Something that sounded like a sob left Kento’s lips, and then hands were shoving Touma away, even as Kento sat up and gathered his robe around himself once again. And, unless Touma was mistaken, Kento was shaking.

“Kento?” Touma murmured, reaching for his shoulder, before hesitating at the last minute. Somehow, he felt that touching Kento at this moment wasn’t a good idea. He shifted to the side so he wasn’t hovering over his friend, sitting on the mattress beside him. Kento’s gaze was lowered, and he held his robe closed with trembling fingers, clutching the fabric so tightly that his knuckles were going white.

What had happened to him..? 

Several minutes passed before Kento finally drew in a shaky breath. “Sorry. I…I just…I don’t like that,” he finally blurted, grimacing at yet another lame excuse that Touma surely didn’t believe. 

Somehow, Touma suspected it went beyond that. The way he’d reacted to his hair being touched before, and now this…

A sinking suspicion settled in his stomach like a block of ice, and he clenched his jaw. Someone had definitely hurt Kento, and Touma wanted to find out who it was and make them pay for it. 

But he suspected that Kento would not talk about it. Not now. Perhaps not ever. And all Touma could do was be there for him, in case he ever changed his mind.

“Is there anything else you don’t like?” Touma asked. “You should be able to enjoy yourself if we do anything, Kento. If you even feel like continuing. And I’d totally understand if you don’t want to.”

Several moments passed before Kento finally lifted his gaze, and Touma felt a sudden surge of protectiveness at how close Kento looked to crying. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, and he kept blinking rapidly, as if trying to hold them back.

“It’s ok if you want to stop,” Touma murmured, reaching for Kento’s free hand. When he didn’t move away, he took Kento’s hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

Kento’s gaze lowered to their hands, his mind at war with itself. Truth be told, he didn’t know what he wanted. He _did_ want to be with Touma, but it was so difficult, when even the simplest touch made him think of…

His jaw clenched. He couldn’t let the past keep haunting him like this.

“If you want…” Touma began, then trailed off, as if choosing his words. “If you wanted to be on top…I wouldn’t mind.”

Kento blinked in surprise, meeting Touma’s gaze before he looked away, a mixture of shyness and nervousness plain on his face. “If it would make you feel more comfortable…I mean, if this is something that you still want to do, of course…”

Kento had had many fantasies over the years, about what his first time with Touma would be like. Never once had he imagined himself being the one to top. He’d always imagined himself beneath Touma, either looking deeply into his eyes, or clinging to him as Touma gently made love to him. He’d begun to lose faith in it ever happening, as the years continued to pass. And…

“Please say something, Kento,” Touma said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “You’ve got me worried about you. I promise, I won’t be upset if you changed your mind, if you don’t want to do anything today. Or…at all.”

“That’s not it,” Kento said, shaking his head, as if to chase away that awful thought. Of course he wanted to be with Touma! He’d said as much when they’d been downstairs in the shop. “I…I just…” He pressed his lips together, hard, against the words he wanted to say. It wasn’t his fault, _none_ of it was his fault, but he was so afraid to see Touma’s reaction when he found out.

What would he even _say_?

_I’m not a virgin._ Touma wouldn’t care about that. He wouldn’t judge Kento. Chances were very good that Touma wasn’t a virgin at this point in his life, either. 

_I was raped._ That…would be far more uncomfortable for Kento to come out and say, but it was the truth, wasn’t it? It would explain his odd behavior. 

But it still wasn’t the whole truth, was it?

_Calibur is actually my father, and he’s raped me several times over the years, and I’m terrified to be anywhere near him, or see him near anyone I care about._

That would be the whole truth, but…Kento couldn’t bear to think of how Touma would react. He would be shocked. There would almost certainly be pity in his eyes, and that was the one thing Kento couldn’t bear to think about. 

“Nothing you say will make me care about you less,” Touma said, as if sensing Kento’s warring thoughts. “I can tell that something has you spooked, and I’m sorry if I triggered an unpleasant memory for you. The last thing I want to do is upset you, Kento. Here…why don’t I just make us some tea, and we can relax for a bit. This might not be the best time for anything else.”

Perhaps that was true. Perhaps it would be best if they didn’t proceed, especially since there was still an enemy on the loose. They should simply wait on standby.

As much as Kento wanted to do more—to give himself to Touma—given how he had reacted to things that had reminded him even slightly of…

No, perhaps it _was_ best to wait. It didn’t mean that there wouldn’t be another chance. Touma was definitely interested.

“Could we just…lay here for a bit?” Kento finally said, his voice soft and a bit hesitant. “Just…maybe we should rest for now.”

It was a good point, Touma had to admit. They _should_ rest, to be in top form whenever they would receive a call to action. But Touma couldn’t help but feel relief, as well, that Kento wanted to stay. Even simply laying beside one another carried its own kind of trust and intimacy, and if Kento hadn’t been all right with that, he would have gotten up and been on his way by now.

Touma saw a flicker of that same relief cross Kento’s face, before he shifted over to the other side of the bed, giving Touma room to lay down and stretch out.

Several minutes passed with them laying on their sides, regarding one another somewhat shyly, before Touma moved his arm, as if inviting Kento to move closer. It seemed to be all the invitation he needed; Kento scooted closer, and Touma couldn’t help but meet his gaze, drawing closer to one another until their lips pressed softly together. Once, twice, just the barest touch of lips, yet Touma could feel the tension leaving Kento’s body beneath the hand he’d hesitantly placed on his shoulder.

Kento moved away first, his face pressing against Touma’s neck, the slight feeling of his breath almost ticklish against Touma’s skin. His hand slid tentatively to Kento’s back, rubbing it in what he hoped was a soothing manner. 

In what felt like no time at all, Kento had dropped off into slumber, his fingers tangled in the front of Touma’s shirt, his breath still tickling his neck, but it was all surprisingly comforting to Touma, and his found his own eyelids growing heavy.

They both slept deeply and dreamlessly, the first time in quite a while for either of them.


End file.
